Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?

I just returned from a most excellent Christmas at my parent's house. I am relaxed, recharged and my jeans don't fit as sveltely as they did one week ago. Tis the season to eat and drink from sun up to sun down, right?

We normally attend Christmas Eve service, but this year we praised baby Jesus' birth in a whole new way: The Beatles on Rock Band. I wish I had had a video camera to capture the awesomeness that was our evening. Singing was a gene that was left out of our genome. Fortunately, my sister married Nick who vocally carried us through many four star performances. My parents both took turns at the mic crooning away to their favorite tunes -- my mom favoring the psychedelic, Indian-inspired tune Within You Without You. Sweet baby Jesus. This was the highlight of the entire weekend for me getting a glimpse of my mom in her hippie days. I was waiting for the LSD to magically appear. The judge also rocked out on Helter Skelter until he got claustrophobic from the presents 'Santa' had placed near him. "Why are all these presents closing in on me." I can't do it justice. It was the best Christmas Eve ever.

The rest of the weekend was equally as enjoyable. We played lots of games, namely Settlers of Catan. It is a new favorite in our family, and I highly recommend it for yours too. We played it at least ten times. We ate copious amounts of delicious, non-fat food, NOT!, and consumed more Coors Lights than I care to admit. I'm still digesting and cannot think about the 17,000 calories I will have to burn off so I have something fun to share with you that is not food-related.

This is a photo of my parent's living room:

On this table are Christmas photographs from over the years. It has become a sister tradition to get a photo taken with Santa and put it in my mom's stocking. However, a sad thing happened last year: my parents moved to Burley. Santa doesn't live in Burley. He lives at the Magic Valley Mall in Twin Falls. It was the first time we had EVER skipped a Santa picture. We did not disappoint this year.

Now that we are all adults, sitting on Santa's lap is a tad bit uncomfortable. We all get anxious on the approach to center-court because no one wants to sit directly on Santa's lap. Please note in the following grownup sister pictures who is never sitting directly on Santa's lap. Muhahahaha.

For years my mom took us to the same Santa in Nampa. I really thought this man was Santa. He lived forever. You'll see. The man drank out of the cup of everlasting Santa life. I wish he was still around, as they just don't make Santas like they used to.

I hope you and yours had a very Merry Christmas. xoH

Santa looks as concerned as I do.

Enter Heather.

Holy cuteness, Batman.

Check out at Heather's knee-highs.

I love my who-sister.

Enter Julia.

Oh the teeth. Cute sweaters though.

Stone-washed denim all around. Same Santa.

Then we grew up. 2003

Not on Santa's lap.

See you next year, Santa.

Dog spit and Buick La Sabres, AKA: Heather and Nick's holiday gathering

I am clearly on vacation. Vacation from school and vacation from posting. It's been a week since I last visited ol' Hail's Kitchen. In fact, it's been about a week since I've cooked. Last night Heather and Nick hosted a cookie exchange/solstice/dinner party. I am kicking myself hard for not taking any photos of the amazing stew Nick made. The meat was so tender you could cut it with your spoon. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. I'll make sure he makes it again and post the recipe here for your enjoyment.

I made a super easy appetizer, which you'll find below. It looks fancy shmancy, but is super easy and absolutely delicious. We had cookies and cheese galore, as well as played x-rated Balderdash. It was an excellent evening.

The BEST chips in the world: salt and pepper.

Cougar gold cheese from WSU.

A Hodges holiday tradition.

Heather's rolls. Recipe to come. mmmmmm.

Camembert cheese and apricot jam.

Oozing goodness.

Baked cheese in puff pastry

1 disk brie or camembert cheese

1 sheet puff pastry

1/2 cup apricot jam

1 egg

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place pastry sheet on a cookie sheet or baking stone. Brush with the jam. Place the cheese in the middle -- rind and all. Fold up the pastry corner by corner. Brush with egg wash. Bake 20-30 minutes or until pastry is puffed and brown. Serve with sliced bread or crackers.

Pie, lasagna style

Hello friends. I returned last night from a mad-dash, shopping overnighter to SLC with my mom and sister where we spent almost five hours, yes your eyes aren't fooling you, FIVE hours in Ikea. I was so exhausted by the time we finished that I forgot my bag in the store. I drove to Utah to Christmas shop and then FORGOT MY PRESENTS. Ugh.

I had the epiphany this morning at 6:15 a.m. when I realized, huh, Heather's Ikea bag was upstairs, as was my mom's. Where was mine? It's not as if someone would break into my car and take only my Ikea bag; although, it did have some rad things in it, which I can't reveal here. Namely because a little person named Julia may be reading. Don't fear Julia. Even though Ikea re-shelved all of my items, assholes, Santa's elves assured me that you'll get your gift. You are on his nice list and mine, too.

I blame the five hours of shopping and low blood sugar for my momentary lapse in cognitive functioning. Who does a thing so idiotic?!

It was REALLY hard to be in Utah and not call all of my friends. Hi, I am here! Want to play? Eat sushi? Be my friend again? I even tried to sneak in a hair cut. No time for that either, sadly. We were on a mission: a Christmas shopping mission. We started a tradition between siblings that we only spend $20 per person, which considering that we are all impoverished is quite logical. The budget encourages us to get very creative. I am looking forward to seeing what everyone produces this year. I am quite tickled with my gifts.

Oh wait . . . I forgot them on a bench at Ikea.

As we were walking through the Gateway on Sunday morning, we saw one of my favorite people on the planet. In fact, this woman was one my inspirations for starting this silly blog. Heather Armstrong of dooce strolled right in front of us in all of her pixie-haired glory. She is a blogger/writer who lives in SLC, and I've been reading her almost daily for about five years now. As I've mentioned with Ree from the Pioneer Woman, when you read someone long enough, you really feel as though you know them. Heather is irreverently hysterical and totally wonderful. Her site brings me so much joy.

My family made me go in and say hello. Heather (my Heather) even took our picture! I felt like such a dork. I wanted so desperately to say something witty and cool. I didn't. I was a total dork. Afterwards, I felt like Baby in Dirty Dancing, "I carried a watermelon." Thank you, Heather, for humoring a fan.

Other than the early-onset Alzheimer's, it was a great mini trip. How I miss you Salt Lake City and all you have to offer, shopping and otherwise.

Here's a fun spin on lasagna. Please note: I am petrified of pie crust. Even the store-bought variety makes me anxious. Not quite sure what brought this inspiration on today, but it was darn tasty. Heather and NICK!, who's home from saving lives and performing vasectomies, both agreed it is worthy of repeating. I think next time I'll serve it for brunch with eggs.

Spring-form pan.

If you don't have one: ask Santa to bring you one.

You need one. They rock.

I was trying to take the above photo

and this silly guy snuck in. Had to share.

My blood pressure was at an unhealthy level here.

Pie crusts and I are not friends.

Fish scales.

Before egg wash.

Not as pretty as it tasted.

Lasagna pie

2 pie crusts, store bought or otherwise

3 zucchinis, thinly sliced

1 full cup spinach

1 shallot, diced

2 cloves garlic, diced

1 tbs fresh Italian parsley, chopped

1 14 oz can diced tomatoes (I used the Italian herb variety to save on spices)

1 tbs tomato paste

1/2 cup ricotta cheese

1/2 cup parmesan cheese

1/2 cup feta cheese

1 egg, beaten

1 tbs olive oil

1/2 tsp red pepper flakes

1/2 tsp garlic salt

s/p

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Lightly oil a tart pan or spring-form pan (this worked swell!). Evenly lay pie crust in bottom of pan. Press against edges. I would recommend piercing the crust with the tines of a fork all over to prevent bubbling -- I think the bean method is for the birds -- but what ever suits you. Bake crust for 13-15 minutes. Remove and set aside. Reduce the oven heat to 350.

Meanwhile, prepare the sauce. In a medium saucepan heat oil and saute shallots and garlic over medium heat. Cook for about 3-4 minutes or until translucent. Season with red pepper flakes, 1/2 tsp salt and pepper. Pour in tomatoes and add tomato paste. Reduce heat and simmer about ten minutes.

In a small bowl, mix the ricotta cheese, 1/4 cup of the parmesan, garlic salt, 1/2 tsp salt and pepper and Italian parsley. Stir well.

When crust has cooled to the touch, spread about half of the ricotta mixture on the bottom of the crust. Layer the zucchini on top. Spread half the sauce on top. Spread the spinach on top of the sauce. Dot the remaining ricotta on top of the spinach and then pour on the remaining sauce. Sprinkle the remaining parmesan and the feta on top. Carefully place the second crust on top of the bottom crust. Trim away the excess and cut vents. Brush with egg wash. Bake for about 40 minutes or until the crust is bubbly. Carefully remove the spring-form pan and cut into wedges. Serve warm or cold.

How do you spell humina, humina, humina?

Today was a good day. In fact, I would go so far as to say that today was a great day. I successfully finished my last two papers -- meaning I thoroughly and adequately completed them according to both rubrics. I managed to squeeze in a hot tub soak. I ran for thirty minutes on the treadmill. For me, this is monumental. I LOATHE running. It is the bane of my existence, but I am trying to reprogram my brain to become a runner. After today's successful thirty minute stint, the synapses just might be refiring.

One travesty did occur at the gym, as my life would not be complete without something like this happening, I slipped on the treadmill while my shoes were still wet and snowy, and I dropped my ipod touch. I CRACKED the screen. I let out an audible yelp that I am certain the entire second floor heard. At least I didn't injure myself, which is usually the case. God, please help me to not be such a damn klutz.

Then I came home and made the BEST DINNER EVER. For those of you who frequent this site, I must apologize, as you probably think I am a total nut. I love every meal. Every dinner is the best dinner ever. I implore you to cook this, that or the other because it is the BEST DINNER EVER. Well, tonight's meal may have trumped all my previous mentionings.

I woke up hungry for the following combination of greens, roasted tomatoes, goat cheese and eggs. I could not get it out of my head. In fact, I dreamt about exactly how I was going to prepare it all through class. In omelet form? Over cous cous? With bacon? Without bacon? Unfortunately, Heather wasn't home tonight to share the deliciousness so Berkley had to listen to me repeat over and over how much I loved it.

I have one final presentation and the semester is over! I can hardly believe how quickly it went. I only have three more semesters to go, and I'll be a real, live teacher. Holy cow. Parents, hide your children. I am now off to make super hero costumes for my presentation tomorrow. We will be dressed as Brofenbrenner's five systems. I am torturing my group members and making them dress up. We're the last group to present and every one is so brain dead that a little metallic superhero distraction of capes and masks will do us all good.

Antes de roasting.

Swiss chard.

Goat cheese rolled in panko bread crumbs.

Berkley desperately wanted these litle guys.

This photo does not do it justice.

Cheers.

Pasta with swiss chard and roasted veggies

1/2 package pasta - shape of your choosing

1 bundle swiss chard, thoroughly cleaned, stems removed and roughly chopped

handful asparagus spears, rough ends removed and roughly chopped

5-6 green onions, sliced lengthways

3 plum tomatoes, cut in half

1 shallot, diced

2 garlic cloves, diced

1 log goat cheese

1 egg/person, poached

1/2 cup panko bread crumbs

2ish tbs olive oil

s/p

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Drizzle sliced tomatoes with a little olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Roast for about thirty minutes. You'll use the same pan to roast the asparagus and green onions. At about the thirty minute mark or when the tomatoes appear to be caramelizing, add the asparagus, which has been drizzled with a bit of olive oil and seasoned with salt and pepper. About ten minutes later, add the onions, which too, have been seasoned. Cook for about five more minutes and remove.

At the same time, in a large pan heat one tbs olive oil over medium heat. Saute shallots and garlic. Add the swiss chard. Season with 1 tsp salt and pepper. Be careful not to burn, as the chard becomes inedibly bitter. Cook until wilted.

Meanwhile, cook pasta according to directions.

Slice the goat cheese into 1.5 inch slices. Dredge in the panko and place on a cookie sheet sprayed with Pam. Set aside. Before service, place in the hot oven for about five minutes to heat through.

Poach the eggs also right before service. Here's a helpful link on poaching eggs, as I am terrible!

Toss the pasta with the roasted vegetables and the swiss chard. Place two rounds of goat cheese and a poached egg on top and enjoy!

Roast beast

I didn't get out of my pajamas on Saturday. In fact, I put copious layers ON TOP of my pajamas to run to the grocery store to pick up supplies for the gingerbread decorating extravaganza and the glorious roast recipe that you'll find below. I am sure I was a vision in the candy isle.

I feel I need to quite bitching and moaning about the weather. Yes, it's snowy. Yes, it's windy. Yes, it's cold, so cold that when I attempt to let Berkley out in the morning she looks at me like I just sprouted a second head. But, it's winter, and with winter comes many of my favorite pastimes: skiing, sledding, snow fort building, snow shoeing, drinking peppermint schnapps and having an excuse to make cozy, comfort food every weekend.

My addiction to noodle salads dissipated with the recent cold front -- it's impossible to crave something cold when one's fingernails are permanently tinged purple. I learned of this roast recipe while on the treadmill at the gym last week. I strategically go between 5:30 and 6:00, when I can, so I can watch Giada and Ina. Seems a little counterintuitive to be working off calories and fantasizing about the calories I would like to ingest. Food is on my mind entirely too much.

Nonetheless, she cooked this beautiful roast, which is kind of a cross between roast beef and beef bourguignon. Her recipe called for an enormous amount of salt and she added cognac -- Ina can afford to cook with cognac. I can't even to afford to drink it -- so I've tweaked things a bit. It has wine and tomatoes and fresh herbs and leeks. How I love leeks. If you haven't tried leeks, please do. For me. They are such a fresh, fun addition to any recipe. Next time your recipe calls for an onion, try using a leek. You'll love it!

Sorry for the leek tangent . . . this roast was delicious. I had planned on serving it over mashed potatoes but decided on pasta at the last second. I also shredded mine up so it was more stew-like, but you could slice yours and make a nice presentation for a Sunday meal. MMMM. It's muy good.

I used a roast that was just under four pounds.

Made for a TON of leftovers.

Whole, peeled tomatoes.

Damn the sunset at 5:00.

Yep, parmesan cheese on my roast.

Roast beast, I mean, beef

Adapted from Ina Garten

1 beef roast

3-4 carrots, roughly chopped

3-4 celery stalks, roughly chopped

1 onion, roughly chopped

3 leeks, white and green parts only, roughly chopped

5 cloves garlic, peeled and crushed (surprisingly, the garlic-lover that I am forgot these, and it was still great)

1 cup red wine

1 cup chicken broth

1 28 oz can whole plum tomatoes

1 chicken bullion cube

3 branches fresh thyme

3 branches fresh rosemary

2 tbs olive oil

s/p

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Pat the beef dry with a paper towel. Season the roast all over with 1 tablespoon salt and 1 1/2 teaspoons pepper. In a large, oven-safe stockpot, heat 1 tablespoon olive oil over medium heat. Add the roast and sear each side for about 4 to 5 minutes, until browned on all sides. Remove the roast to a large plate.

Add the remaining olive oil to the pan. Add the carrots, onions, celery, leeks, garlic and cook over medium heat for about 10 minutes, until tender but not browned. Add the wine and bring to a boil. Add the tomatoes, chicken stock, bouillon cube and 1 teaspoon pepper. Ina tied her herbs together. I threw mine in whole, and they were just fine. Put the roast back into the pot, bring to a boil, and cover. Place in the oven for 2 1/2 hours, until the meat is fork tender or about 160 degrees F internally. Turn the heat down to 250 degrees F after about an hour to keep the sauce at a simmer.

Remove the roast to a cutting board. Remove the herb stems and discard. Salt and pepper to taste. Remove the strings from the roast, and slice the meat. Serve warm with the sauce spooned over it.

I wish I were a mini person to live in my mini house

I couldn't write another word last night. I was papered-out. We had a beautiful dusting of snow here in Eastern Idaho, and I was feeling festive. Festive meaning I wanted to drink peppermint schnapps and decorate gingerbread houses. It's too cold to do anything else but stay inside and hibernate. The National Weather Service is calling for a wind chill watch:

"PROLONGED NORTHERLY FLOW THAT BEGAN YESTERDAY WILL BRING ARTIC AIR

INTO CENTRAL AND EASTERN IDAHO. THE NORTH WIND MAY BE STRONG ENOUGH TO COMBINE WITH THIS COLD AIR AND PRODUCE EFFECTIVE CHILL TEMPERATURES COLDER THAN TWENTY DEGREES BELOW ZERO."

I forgot when I moved back to Idaho that I would be moving to the tundra. I took the trash out earlier and my nostrils froze. It's cold.

I think I've only decorated one other gingerbread house my entire life and I recall it looking similar to this:

I wanted my house to look festive, but not like the Christmas candy isle threw up on it. I wanted it to look earthy. I wanted it to look like a house where I would live. Heather and I each had our own little house to decorate, and you'll see each of our senses of flare. I am so impressed with how they turned out. We had fun rocking out to Christmas music and sipping on hot chocolate spiked with peppermint schnapps, too. Beats the heck out of writing about cognitive development in middle school students.

Hailey's little house.

Welcome, friends.

I kind of didn't want to play after this roof. Pain in the ARSE!

Heather's little house.

River rock chimney and icicles, are you kidding me?!

Rosemary swag.