Pie, lasagna style

Hello friends. I returned last night from a mad-dash, shopping overnighter to SLC with my mom and sister where we spent almost five hours, yes your eyes aren't fooling you, FIVE hours in Ikea. I was so exhausted by the time we finished that I forgot my bag in the store. I drove to Utah to Christmas shop and then FORGOT MY PRESENTS. Ugh.

I had the epiphany this morning at 6:15 a.m. when I realized, huh, Heather's Ikea bag was upstairs, as was my mom's. Where was mine? It's not as if someone would break into my car and take only my Ikea bag; although, it did have some rad things in it, which I can't reveal here. Namely because a little person named Julia may be reading. Don't fear Julia. Even though Ikea re-shelved all of my items, assholes, Santa's elves assured me that you'll get your gift. You are on his nice list and mine, too.

I blame the five hours of shopping and low blood sugar for my momentary lapse in cognitive functioning. Who does a thing so idiotic?!

It was REALLY hard to be in Utah and not call all of my friends. Hi, I am here! Want to play? Eat sushi? Be my friend again? I even tried to sneak in a hair cut. No time for that either, sadly. We were on a mission: a Christmas shopping mission. We started a tradition between siblings that we only spend $20 per person, which considering that we are all impoverished is quite logical. The budget encourages us to get very creative. I am looking forward to seeing what everyone produces this year. I am quite tickled with my gifts.

Oh wait . . . I forgot them on a bench at Ikea.

As we were walking through the Gateway on Sunday morning, we saw one of my favorite people on the planet. In fact, this woman was one my inspirations for starting this silly blog. Heather Armstrong of dooce strolled right in front of us in all of her pixie-haired glory. She is a blogger/writer who lives in SLC, and I've been reading her almost daily for about five years now. As I've mentioned with Ree from the Pioneer Woman, when you read someone long enough, you really feel as though you know them. Heather is irreverently hysterical and totally wonderful. Her site brings me so much joy.

My family made me go in and say hello. Heather (my Heather) even took our picture! I felt like such a dork. I wanted so desperately to say something witty and cool. I didn't. I was a total dork. Afterwards, I felt like Baby in Dirty Dancing, "I carried a watermelon." Thank you, Heather, for humoring a fan.

Other than the early-onset Alzheimer's, it was a great mini trip. How I miss you Salt Lake City and all you have to offer, shopping and otherwise.

Here's a fun spin on lasagna. Please note: I am petrified of pie crust. Even the store-bought variety makes me anxious. Not quite sure what brought this inspiration on today, but it was darn tasty. Heather and NICK!, who's home from saving lives and performing vasectomies, both agreed it is worthy of repeating. I think next time I'll serve it for brunch with eggs.

Spring-form pan.

If you don't have one: ask Santa to bring you one.

You need one. They rock.

I was trying to take the above photo

and this silly guy snuck in. Had to share.

My blood pressure was at an unhealthy level here.

Pie crusts and I are not friends.

Fish scales.

Before egg wash.

Not as pretty as it tasted.

Lasagna pie

2 pie crusts, store bought or otherwise

3 zucchinis, thinly sliced

1 full cup spinach

1 shallot, diced

2 cloves garlic, diced

1 tbs fresh Italian parsley, chopped

1 14 oz can diced tomatoes (I used the Italian herb variety to save on spices)

1 tbs tomato paste

1/2 cup ricotta cheese

1/2 cup parmesan cheese

1/2 cup feta cheese

1 egg, beaten

1 tbs olive oil

1/2 tsp red pepper flakes

1/2 tsp garlic salt

s/p

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Lightly oil a tart pan or spring-form pan (this worked swell!). Evenly lay pie crust in bottom of pan. Press against edges. I would recommend piercing the crust with the tines of a fork all over to prevent bubbling -- I think the bean method is for the birds -- but what ever suits you. Bake crust for 13-15 minutes. Remove and set aside. Reduce the oven heat to 350.

Meanwhile, prepare the sauce. In a medium saucepan heat oil and saute shallots and garlic over medium heat. Cook for about 3-4 minutes or until translucent. Season with red pepper flakes, 1/2 tsp salt and pepper. Pour in tomatoes and add tomato paste. Reduce heat and simmer about ten minutes.

In a small bowl, mix the ricotta cheese, 1/4 cup of the parmesan, garlic salt, 1/2 tsp salt and pepper and Italian parsley. Stir well.

When crust has cooled to the touch, spread about half of the ricotta mixture on the bottom of the crust. Layer the zucchini on top. Spread half the sauce on top. Spread the spinach on top of the sauce. Dot the remaining ricotta on top of the spinach and then pour on the remaining sauce. Sprinkle the remaining parmesan and the feta on top. Carefully place the second crust on top of the bottom crust. Trim away the excess and cut vents. Brush with egg wash. Bake for about 40 minutes or until the crust is bubbly. Carefully remove the spring-form pan and cut into wedges. Serve warm or cold.

How do you spell humina, humina, humina?

Today was a good day. In fact, I would go so far as to say that today was a great day. I successfully finished my last two papers -- meaning I thoroughly and adequately completed them according to both rubrics. I managed to squeeze in a hot tub soak. I ran for thirty minutes on the treadmill. For me, this is monumental. I LOATHE running. It is the bane of my existence, but I am trying to reprogram my brain to become a runner. After today's successful thirty minute stint, the synapses just might be refiring.

One travesty did occur at the gym, as my life would not be complete without something like this happening, I slipped on the treadmill while my shoes were still wet and snowy, and I dropped my ipod touch. I CRACKED the screen. I let out an audible yelp that I am certain the entire second floor heard. At least I didn't injure myself, which is usually the case. God, please help me to not be such a damn klutz.

Then I came home and made the BEST DINNER EVER. For those of you who frequent this site, I must apologize, as you probably think I am a total nut. I love every meal. Every dinner is the best dinner ever. I implore you to cook this, that or the other because it is the BEST DINNER EVER. Well, tonight's meal may have trumped all my previous mentionings.

I woke up hungry for the following combination of greens, roasted tomatoes, goat cheese and eggs. I could not get it out of my head. In fact, I dreamt about exactly how I was going to prepare it all through class. In omelet form? Over cous cous? With bacon? Without bacon? Unfortunately, Heather wasn't home tonight to share the deliciousness so Berkley had to listen to me repeat over and over how much I loved it.

I have one final presentation and the semester is over! I can hardly believe how quickly it went. I only have three more semesters to go, and I'll be a real, live teacher. Holy cow. Parents, hide your children. I am now off to make super hero costumes for my presentation tomorrow. We will be dressed as Brofenbrenner's five systems. I am torturing my group members and making them dress up. We're the last group to present and every one is so brain dead that a little metallic superhero distraction of capes and masks will do us all good.

Antes de roasting.

Swiss chard.

Goat cheese rolled in panko bread crumbs.

Berkley desperately wanted these litle guys.

This photo does not do it justice.

Cheers.

Pasta with swiss chard and roasted veggies

1/2 package pasta - shape of your choosing

1 bundle swiss chard, thoroughly cleaned, stems removed and roughly chopped

handful asparagus spears, rough ends removed and roughly chopped

5-6 green onions, sliced lengthways

3 plum tomatoes, cut in half

1 shallot, diced

2 garlic cloves, diced

1 log goat cheese

1 egg/person, poached

1/2 cup panko bread crumbs

2ish tbs olive oil

s/p

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Drizzle sliced tomatoes with a little olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Roast for about thirty minutes. You'll use the same pan to roast the asparagus and green onions. At about the thirty minute mark or when the tomatoes appear to be caramelizing, add the asparagus, which has been drizzled with a bit of olive oil and seasoned with salt and pepper. About ten minutes later, add the onions, which too, have been seasoned. Cook for about five more minutes and remove.

At the same time, in a large pan heat one tbs olive oil over medium heat. Saute shallots and garlic. Add the swiss chard. Season with 1 tsp salt and pepper. Be careful not to burn, as the chard becomes inedibly bitter. Cook until wilted.

Meanwhile, cook pasta according to directions.

Slice the goat cheese into 1.5 inch slices. Dredge in the panko and place on a cookie sheet sprayed with Pam. Set aside. Before service, place in the hot oven for about five minutes to heat through.

Poach the eggs also right before service. Here's a helpful link on poaching eggs, as I am terrible!

Toss the pasta with the roasted vegetables and the swiss chard. Place two rounds of goat cheese and a poached egg on top and enjoy!

Roast beast

I didn't get out of my pajamas on Saturday. In fact, I put copious layers ON TOP of my pajamas to run to the grocery store to pick up supplies for the gingerbread decorating extravaganza and the glorious roast recipe that you'll find below. I am sure I was a vision in the candy isle.

I feel I need to quite bitching and moaning about the weather. Yes, it's snowy. Yes, it's windy. Yes, it's cold, so cold that when I attempt to let Berkley out in the morning she looks at me like I just sprouted a second head. But, it's winter, and with winter comes many of my favorite pastimes: skiing, sledding, snow fort building, snow shoeing, drinking peppermint schnapps and having an excuse to make cozy, comfort food every weekend.

My addiction to noodle salads dissipated with the recent cold front -- it's impossible to crave something cold when one's fingernails are permanently tinged purple. I learned of this roast recipe while on the treadmill at the gym last week. I strategically go between 5:30 and 6:00, when I can, so I can watch Giada and Ina. Seems a little counterintuitive to be working off calories and fantasizing about the calories I would like to ingest. Food is on my mind entirely too much.

Nonetheless, she cooked this beautiful roast, which is kind of a cross between roast beef and beef bourguignon. Her recipe called for an enormous amount of salt and she added cognac -- Ina can afford to cook with cognac. I can't even to afford to drink it -- so I've tweaked things a bit. It has wine and tomatoes and fresh herbs and leeks. How I love leeks. If you haven't tried leeks, please do. For me. They are such a fresh, fun addition to any recipe. Next time your recipe calls for an onion, try using a leek. You'll love it!

Sorry for the leek tangent . . . this roast was delicious. I had planned on serving it over mashed potatoes but decided on pasta at the last second. I also shredded mine up so it was more stew-like, but you could slice yours and make a nice presentation for a Sunday meal. MMMM. It's muy good.

I used a roast that was just under four pounds.

Made for a TON of leftovers.

Whole, peeled tomatoes.

Damn the sunset at 5:00.

Yep, parmesan cheese on my roast.

Roast beast, I mean, beef

Adapted from Ina Garten

1 beef roast

3-4 carrots, roughly chopped

3-4 celery stalks, roughly chopped

1 onion, roughly chopped

3 leeks, white and green parts only, roughly chopped

5 cloves garlic, peeled and crushed (surprisingly, the garlic-lover that I am forgot these, and it was still great)

1 cup red wine

1 cup chicken broth

1 28 oz can whole plum tomatoes

1 chicken bullion cube

3 branches fresh thyme

3 branches fresh rosemary

2 tbs olive oil

s/p

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Pat the beef dry with a paper towel. Season the roast all over with 1 tablespoon salt and 1 1/2 teaspoons pepper. In a large, oven-safe stockpot, heat 1 tablespoon olive oil over medium heat. Add the roast and sear each side for about 4 to 5 minutes, until browned on all sides. Remove the roast to a large plate.

Add the remaining olive oil to the pan. Add the carrots, onions, celery, leeks, garlic and cook over medium heat for about 10 minutes, until tender but not browned. Add the wine and bring to a boil. Add the tomatoes, chicken stock, bouillon cube and 1 teaspoon pepper. Ina tied her herbs together. I threw mine in whole, and they were just fine. Put the roast back into the pot, bring to a boil, and cover. Place in the oven for 2 1/2 hours, until the meat is fork tender or about 160 degrees F internally. Turn the heat down to 250 degrees F after about an hour to keep the sauce at a simmer.

Remove the roast to a cutting board. Remove the herb stems and discard. Salt and pepper to taste. Remove the strings from the roast, and slice the meat. Serve warm with the sauce spooned over it.

I wish I were a mini person to live in my mini house

I couldn't write another word last night. I was papered-out. We had a beautiful dusting of snow here in Eastern Idaho, and I was feeling festive. Festive meaning I wanted to drink peppermint schnapps and decorate gingerbread houses. It's too cold to do anything else but stay inside and hibernate. The National Weather Service is calling for a wind chill watch:

"PROLONGED NORTHERLY FLOW THAT BEGAN YESTERDAY WILL BRING ARTIC AIR

INTO CENTRAL AND EASTERN IDAHO. THE NORTH WIND MAY BE STRONG ENOUGH TO COMBINE WITH THIS COLD AIR AND PRODUCE EFFECTIVE CHILL TEMPERATURES COLDER THAN TWENTY DEGREES BELOW ZERO."

I forgot when I moved back to Idaho that I would be moving to the tundra. I took the trash out earlier and my nostrils froze. It's cold.

I think I've only decorated one other gingerbread house my entire life and I recall it looking similar to this:

I wanted my house to look festive, but not like the Christmas candy isle threw up on it. I wanted it to look earthy. I wanted it to look like a house where I would live. Heather and I each had our own little house to decorate, and you'll see each of our senses of flare. I am so impressed with how they turned out. We had fun rocking out to Christmas music and sipping on hot chocolate spiked with peppermint schnapps, too. Beats the heck out of writing about cognitive development in middle school students.

Hailey's little house.

Welcome, friends.

I kind of didn't want to play after this roof. Pain in the ARSE!

Heather's little house.

River rock chimney and icicles, are you kidding me?!

Rosemary swag.

Julia's favorite part of the meal

Remember this squash centerpiece?

Carried lovingly into our gathering by this vagabond:

I have the most excellent recipe below for you. This is a great one for my veggie friends, not my vegan friends, as it is teaming with cheese and cream. (For some reason I am having a terrible time coming up a G-rated description of this dish, as each time I write something it sounds like a harlequin novel). All I can say is that my little sister nearly ate this entire squash herself. She strategically parked the thing in front of her and had consumed a good portion of it before my dad could say the blessing. It is like the best macaroni and cheese you've EVER had but with squash . . . served in the squash! No cleanup!

This is a recipe from one of my mom's friends, Rosemary. Thanks for sharing, Rosemary, as no holiday meal will be complete without it. I hope you try it -- I am confident potiron will be adopted as a stable for your family, too.

My knife skills came into question after the muscle relaxant.

Potiron is the pale yellow at twelve o'clock.

Le potiron tout rond (stuffed pumpkin)

*Rosemary Fornshell’s recipe

1 large soccer ball sized pumpkin or winter squash

2/3 cup chopped onion

1.5 cups fresh bread crumbs (1 loaf inexpensive white bread)

6 T butter

1 cup grated Swiss cheese

2-3 cups whipping cream or half and half

1 tsp salt

½ tsp sage

½ tsp nutmeg

Dash of pepper

Cut off the edges of the bread and place on a cookie sheet, toast in a 350 degree oven for 15 minutes turning occasionally to make sure they do not burn. Put in a bag and use a rolling pin to finely crumble. Using a large sauté pan, melt the butter and cook the chopped onions until translucent. Add the bread crumbs, salt, pepper, sage, nutmeg and grated Swiss cheese to the onion mixture.

Cut off the top of the pumpkin or squash and clean the inside out well. Save the top. Place the bread crumb mixture inside the cavity of the pumpkin or squash. Fill with cream or half and half to within 2 inches of the top of the squash. Place the top back on the pumpkin or squash and bake at 400 degrees for at least 2 hours or until the stuffing sets up. Serve in the pumpkin, scoop out the stuffing mixture with the pumpkin or squash.

The reason for the holiday

Well, folks, one very successful presentation down, one more to go next week. I can only hope that my next one will go as smoothy and will be as well received as today's. Phew! Such a relief to have it behind me and be one step closer to the end of the semester. I forgot how exhilarating that little light at the end of the tunnel feels when it warms your skin. For those of who are no longer in school -- it's intoxicating!

Hopefully you have recovered from your tryptophan-induced comas and can read about turkey and stuffing without dozing off, as I have something quite special to share with you today. The following recipe is my great grandmother's recipe for chestnut stuffing. I'm going to forewarn you: WE STUFFED THE TURKEY. For those finicky, germophobes who think you should never stuff a turkey, I know, I've heard it too. So has Grandma Joyce. Does she care? Not two shits. I quote, "I was married at twenty-one and starting stuffing turkeys at twenty-one. I'm still alive." Point taken. We stuffed our bird, and we stuffed it good.

I have to give a shout to my lovely mom who evaded all of the holiday photos, less her hands, because she was at the helm of the camera a majority of the weekend. Thanks, Mom, for your efforts, as you captured some spectacular moments.

I am fond of a particular stuffing recipe that is a lovely mingling of country sausage, granny smith apples and fresh sage. I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed when I heard that my beloved stuffing would be sidelined this year for Grandma Joyce's. My stuffing recipe is good . . . Grandma Joyce's stuffing is out of this world. Is it the butter? Is it the tender, meaty chestnuts? Perhaps. I think it's the fact that the wittiest, sexiest 83 year old woman I've been blessed to know made the stuffing, and she's made this recipe literally hundreds of times. I don't think I've made anything hundreds of times -- coffee maybe?

Nonetheless, this stuffing is moist (sorry for those of you who hate that word, as there seems to be a number of you!) and so flavorful. The chestnuts are the piece de resistance. From what I understand, they can be tricky to find in the grocery store, but look in the bulk section during the holidays.

I thoroughly enjoyed being her sous chef -- chopping and sautéing and following instructions. I know she appreciated having another pair of hands to stuff and pin the pesky bird. Looking back at the photos, I feel as if the kitchen was taken over by Paula Deen -- two sticks of butter and a turkey covered in bacon. Tis the season, right?

We doubled this recipe to feed ten with leftovers.

One shelled chestnut. My wrinkly hand.

How awesomely retro is this box?!

The amalgamation of goodness.

She has lovely hands.

How she produced such tall children will forever perplex me.

All tucked in.

mmmm, bacon.

Did I mention we bacon-wrapped our turkey? SHA-WING!

Grandma Joyce's turkey and dressing

10-12 lb turkey (double the recipe for a larger bird)

1 lb large chestnuts, (1.5 cups) shelled

1/2 cup butter or 1/4 cup butter and 1/4 cup turkey fat

1 cup celery, chopped

1/2 cup onion, minced

1/2 cup carrot, chopped (I added this)

1/4 cup parsley, chopped

6 cups fine bread cubes

1 egg

2 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

1 tsp savory seasoning (we used poultry season)

Cook chestnuts for 20 minutes. Remove shells and brown skin. While hot, chop them. (She had pre-roasted them for us. Here's a great link that will show you how to roast and peel the little buggers).

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Melt butter in a large skillet. Cook onion, celery, carrot and parsley. Combine bread cubes, vegetable mixture, seasonings and egg. Sprinkle inside of turkey with salt. Fill turkey with dressing. Pin up the opening to seal in the dressing. Cook 3 - 3.5 hours or until a meat thermometer registers 185 degrees.