Chilled to the bone

I am cold. C.O.L.D. Cold. I've been chilled since I went to bed last night and have not been able to warm up. My baby sister turned me on to these amazing fleece sheets that make one's bed like a cocoon of coziness, but even their warm embrace left me feeling nippy.

My job has yet to kick into high gear so I had the morning off to attack the leaves that seem to endlessly appear in the yard. It's as if I finish raking and bagging one half of the yard, turn my back and the trees giggle, give me the middle finger and drop another bag's worth of leaves. I called a tree an asshole this morning.

Despite raking and bagging and swearing at trees, I was still cold. I brewed another pot of coffee, yes that was two this morning, and headed to work on some homework. Being the queen of distraction, I decided it was paramount that I move pictures from my computer to my external hard-drive rather than work on homework, and I stumbled upon my family's trip to Southern California this summer. Sunny, Southern California.

I would give just about anything to transport back to that beach right now, surrounded by my favorite women -- my mom and sisters, listening to the ocean crash (actually we listened to this woman bitch to her bank about an overdraft charge for what seemed liked hours, but that skews the image I'm going for). We had a Dora the Explorer boogie board that was the envy of the entire beach. We saw dolphins. We napped with our toes tucked in the sand. We were sun-kissed. And, you know what? We were warm. Toasty warm.

I returned from class with fingernails still tinged purple and decided it was time to end this nonsense. I had planned on making the following recipe for dinner, but desperate times call for desperate measures: SPICY CURRY NOODLE SOUP. Yeah, you did just read noodles again. I'm sorry. I love them. I wish I could describe how amazing this soup smells. The curry and lemongrass are so fragrant and wonderful. If there is a reason to make this soup, it's solely to smell it. It is heavenly. It doesn't taste half bad either. Am I still cold? As soon as I finish this post, I'm going to sit in the hot tub.

Spicy curry noodle soup with chicken and sweet potatoes

adapted from bon appetit

1 package rice stick noodles

3/4 lb chicken breasts, thinly sliced

3 tbs shallots, chopped

3 cloves garlic, chopped

2 tbs lemongrass, minced (tough outer leaves and ends discarded)

2 tbs ginger, peeled and minced

3 cups snow peas, trimmed

2 cups sweet potato, peeled and cubed

3-4 green onions, sliced

1/2 cup cilantro, chopped

1 lime, cut into wedges

2 tbs yellow curry paste (I could not find this ANYWHERE! I just doubled the curry powder)

2 tbs curry powder

1 tsp chili paste, like sriracha

2.4 tbs fish sauce

2 tsps sugar

2 14 oz cans coconut milk

5 cups chicken broth

2 tbs canola oil (not olive oil)

Optional: thai chiles, thinly sliced (I'm afraid so I left them out)

Heat oil in a heavy saucepan over medium heat. Add shallots, garlic, lemongrass and ginger. Saute until fragrant, about 2 minutes. Reduce heat to low. Stir in curry paste, curry powder and chili paste. Ad 1/2 cup of the coconut milk (scooped from the thick liquid at the top of the can). Stir until thick and fragrant, about another two minutes. Add remaining coconut milk, broth, fish sauce, sugar and bring to boil. Add sliced chicken and allow to cook through.

In the meantime, cook snow peas in a pot of boiling salted water until bright green, only about 20 seconds. Remove and rinse until cold water. Set aside. In the same pot add the sweet potatoes and cook until tender, about 7 minutes. Remove and repeat the same process as the peas. Bring water back to a boil and add the noodles. Cook until just tender, about five minutes. Drain and rinse under cold water.

Cut noodles with a scissor if they are too long and place in bowls. Divide the peas and potatoes among the bowls, and ladle the hot broth over the noodles and vegetables. Top with green onions, cilantro and garnish with lime wedges. Serve immediately.

Oodles and oodles of noodles

Can you tell what we've been hungry for in this house? It's funny because I went into cozy food overload for about a month cooking almost exclusively in the crock-pot, now I've gone the extreme opposite preparing almost no-cook meals. Heather actually just requested stew last night so I suppose it's time for some comfort food once again.

This is very similar to the recipe I posted a few days ago. I still had a majority of the veggies left in the fridge, but I supplemented with a red pepper, purple cabbage and snuck in some mint much to Heather's chagrin. It also has a different sauce -- similar, but different! According to the recipe, the carrots and cabbage in this dish have 126% of one's daily vitamin A needs. Your sparkly eyes can thank me later.

Thai noodle salad

adapted from SELF

1 package rice noodles

2 cups cabbage, shredded

1 carrot, julienned

1/2 cucumber, julienned

1 red bell pepper, cored, seeded and cut into strips

3-4 green onions, chopped

1/4 cup fresh basil, chopped (I used cilantro)

1/4 cup fresh mint, chopped

1/4 cup fresh lime juice

1/4 cup seasoned rice vinegar

3 tbsp sugar

4 tsp fish sauce

1/4 tsp sriracha

1 tbsp peanut oil

Cook noodles according to package. Place cabbage in a colander and drain noodles over cabbage, rinse with cold water. Drain again. Toss cabbage and noodles in a large bowl with carrots, cucumber, pepper and green onions. Whisk basil, mint, lime juice, vinegar, sugar, fish sauce, sriracha and oil in another bowl. Drizzle dressing over noodle mixture, toss and serve.

A smile from ear to ear

It's a funny thing writing a blog. I started this project mainly as a selfish venture to keep track of my recipes, as I am notorious for cooking something fabulous once and never repeating it. Partially, too, it was a method for my loved ones to finally track down the recipes I'd promised to write down for them 137 times to no avail.

Then Hail's Kitchen took a little hiatus, actually about a year hiatus, but who's counting? Since recommitting myself to this love affair with all things food, it has taken some adjusting. My camera is now a staple item along with the coffee pot in the kitchen. Heather no longer waits patiently for me to snap a few (or thirty) photos of our meals before she dives in. I finally realized that the majority of my cooking needs to take place in daylight hours because as you can see, my nighttime photos are more than a little lackluster. That has been the hardest part for me.

When I started posting, it felt like I was writing to no one; to this nebulous audience . . . the INTERNET. Then a few people started commenting here and on my facebook page alerting me to their participation in the process, which I'll admit felt like such a one-sided deal. Really, you like my blog? Cool!

Then I began branching out to this amazing food community that exists online. Sites like Tastespotting and foodgawker, which I always admired from a far because no way is my food/photography/writing on par with these other culinarians. I manage a photo here and there, but those folks are PARTICULAR.

Then I found Tasty Kitchen. Those of you who know me, know that I have a girl crush on the Pioneer Woman. I don't need to tout her awesomeness, just pop over to her site and see for yourself. The woman is amazing. Well, Tasty Kitchen is her version of Tastespotting and Foodgawker for normal folks -- like me! It's approachable and bright and cheery, just like Ree herself. (I talk as if I know the woman, but after you read someone's blog long enough you really do feel like you're friends).

So this morning I see an unusual amount of traffic on my site. Hmmm? After a little research as to the sudden onslaught, I discover that I am Tasty Kitchen's featured member. Really, me, Hail's Kitchen?! I immediately pick up the phone to call my biggest fan, my mom, who is equally as excited, and we freak out about the reality that PEOPLE ACTUALLY READ MY BLOG.

All I can say is thank you. Thank you for visiting, even though I still feel like you, readers, are nebulous little creatures who occasionally leave me feedback. I am flattered and humbled and grateful and very excited that perhaps I'll make some new friends from this venture.

This afternoon I made the meal I requested for nearly every birthday dinner as child: cabbage rolls. They take some prep work -- coring the cabbage and then blanching it -- but it is worth all of the grunting and near hand amputating and hot water scalding. I know I say it often, but I really could die happy after this meal. Despite all the spicing up and tweaking of this recipe, my cabbage rolls never seem to taste as good as my mom's. I suppose that's the nature of one's mother's cooking -- hers is always the best.

I used turkey instead of beef to make

the rolls a bit leaner.

Commence grunting in three, two, one . . .

This really is the hardest part -- attempting

to get these buggers out soft and still intact.

Wrapped up and ready for

dinner later this week.

I'm a working gal now!

Cabbage rolls

2 pounds ground beef or turkey

1 head cabbage, cored and blanched

1 cup instant rice

1 package onion soup mix

1 28 oz can tomato sauce

1 tsp garlic salt

s/p

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine the meat, rice, onion soup, garlic salt and about a cup of the tomato sauce. Mix well. Place about 1/4 cup of the meat mixture on a blanched cabbage leaf and roll up, tucking in the edges. Repeat until the meat mixture is gone. Pour remaining sauce over the rolls. Season with salt and pepper. Bake covered for two hours. My mom ALWAYS served this with cottage cheese. The meal is not complete without it.

A hankering

There are a few foods in this world that I physically crave. I know there are folks out there who can relate to what I'm talking about. I get cravings that permeate my entire being -- mind, body and soul. I will obsess about that specific food item until I get it, or as of late, since I'm in a town devoid of any noteworthy ethnic restaurants (Allow me to amend this statement: there is an Indian/Nepalese restaurant and a Greek restaurant that I have to yet to adequately explore. Coming from a city that had more ethnic restaurants than I can count, my taste buds feel a little foresaken here), I attempt to make said item myself.

These irrational cravings have lead to a number of disasters over the years. I've swapped baking powder and soda too many times to count, which always leads to really horrendous scones. I overcooked a REALLY expensive cut of beef in attempt to remake a certain celebrity chef's beef wellington. That one hurt. I have destroyed perfectly good raw fish while attempting to morph it into sushi. I even once tried to make a tie-died birthday cake for a loved one, which took HOURS, and it ended up looking like a rainbow threw up in my cake pan and then swirled it. I won't post the picture for fear that it will burn your corneas.

Another noteworthy failure of even further epic proportions was my attempt at homemade mochi. I discovered mochi, which is a Japanese dessert that's made of gluttonous rice flour, at a sushi restaurant in SLC that I can't even type the name of because it evokes a lump in the back of my throat. How I miss you. Sniff, sniff. Anyway, I tried to make my own. HA!!! Rice flour may be the stickiest product on this green Earth, less a few other items. Specifically one that rhymes with squat.

I was covered in ooey, gooey, violet-dyed rice flour, as were my dogs and my kitchen. It was horrendous. Have you ever seen a siberian husky attempt to lick something off of themself? To say they are OCD would be a grave understatement. I am fairly certain both of their tongues were raw after attempting to remove the gluttonous goo from their bodies. Sorry for not having pictures. No mochi was produced; just a hell of a lot of mess and a very defeated Hailey.

My point is this: I am willing to do whatever it takes when one of these mad cravings come on. Fortunately for everyone involved in the latest craving -- me, Heather, the kitchen, the dog and your corneas, dear readers -- no one was harmed in the making of the following dish.

I hanker for Asian noodles. Yes, I just used the word hanker as a verb. That's how much I love Asian noodles . . . I hanker for them. You will too after you try these. Use whatever veggies you like or hanker for :)

Fresh Asian noodles

adapted from Donna Hay

1 package bean thread noodles

1 carrot, finely sliced

1 cucumber, finely sliced

3-4 green onions, finely sliced

1-2 cups cabbage, finely sliced

1 cup cilantro

1/2 cup peanuts

sauce:

2 tbs sweet chili sauce

2 tbs fish sauce

juice of 1 lime

Cook noodles according to package. Combine sauce ingredients, stir well. Assemble noodle salads with desired vegetables. Pour sauce over and serve.

*You could also serve this with chicken, tofu, shrimp. Mix up the vegetables you use -- bean sprouts, mint, red pepper.

Sundays have always been a day reserved for chores around the house: laundry, yard work, bathrooms, floors. Yesterday I spent my morning cleaning out flower beds and raking leaves in preparation for winter's arrival. Berkley and Benny incessantly romped in my leaf piles requiring my project to take twice as long as it should have, but the skies were blue and the wind was not blowing. Here in Eastern Idaho, that is nothing short of a miracle. Poor Heather was laid up with a migraine -- the curse of our clan. Beyond that, it was a near perfect morning.

After more chores and some time spent on homework, we made our Sunday pilgrimage to Winco. A brief description of Winco for those who are unaware of the store's awesomeness and at the same time horrificness (yes, I made that up). Winco is kind of like Walmart in the sense that it brings out all walks of life -- the young, the old, the rich, the poor, those missing teeth, those missing brain cells, those lacking birth control, those lacking fashion sense.

I am not ashamed to admit that I am totally broke and need to shop at a store that caters to a low socio-economic group. Thank you, Winco. Not only do you help me with my food costs, but visiting your store is kind of like going to the fair -- you bring out all the crazies and you give out samples!

Along with the risotto that I served the other night, I made the WORLD'S BEST roasted chicken. I put that in all caps to emphasize that fact that this chicken really is the WORLD'S BEST. I give food a lot of hype on this site, but people, seriously, this is out of this world. The best part is that it requires only THREE ingredients: chicken, salt and thyme. Done. I can't take credit for this crisp skin, mouth-watering chicken recipe, as it hails from the one and only Thomas Keller. I make this chicken a couple times a month, as it is so simple and whole chickens are so inexpensive. Plus, as you'll see, you can use one chicken for multiple meals.

There are so many fun things you can do with a chicken carcass. (I just had to pause, reread that sentence and laugh out loud.) The following recipe is a family favorite that my mom made when I was a kid. The smells last night transported me back to her kitchen. She used to have this soup waiting for us when we returned home from ski trips. This soup is so aromatic and flavorful. We served it over basmati rice with a bit of sour cream on top, which I will forever repeat. It was fabulous. You could certainly omit the chicken and use vegetable stock, too, as it would make a lovely vegetarian dish.

If you ever come to visit me, I'll take you on a field trip to Winco. One of the many entertaining aspects of my new life :)

Chicken carcass ready for its transformation into broth.

8 cups of water, celery, carrot, onion, garlic, bay leaf.

Allow to cook down for 30-45 minutes, strain:

best chicken broth this side of the Mississippi.

Heather's a much better assistant than Berkley.

My mom gave me this recipe book when

I went away to college, the first time :)

Like I said, only the finest. Royal rice.

Indian-style potato spinach soup with chicken

2 cups cooked chicken, diced

1 large onion, diced

2 cloves garlic, minced

2 cups potatoes, cubed

1 10 oz package frozen spinach, thawed and chopped (or in my case, 1 bag fresh spinach, chopped)

1 can diced tomatoes, including juice

6 cups chicken broth

2 tbs curry powder

2 tsp ground coriander

1/2 tsp ground cardamom

1/2 tsp caraway seeds

2 tsp canola oil

s/p

In a large stockpot, heat oil over medium-high heat. Cook onions, garlic, chicken and caraway seeds until onions are translucent, about 3 minutes. Stir in curry, coriander and cardamom. Cook, stirring constantly, about a minute more.

Stir in broth and potatoes. Bring broth to a boil. Reduce heat to simmer. Cook until potatoes are tender. Add spinach to pot along with the tomatoes. Simmer about five more minutes to allow the flavors to combine. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Serve immediately.

Good for what ails ya

The past few weekends have been full of fun. Our youngest sister came to visit Friday night, which lead to another night out on the town. My sisters are both tall, blond goddesses who attract men like flame attracts moths. It's pretty fun to sit back and watch.

Saturday morning offered a perfect opportunity for me to make a hearty, hollandaise-laden breakfast. We had butternut squash risotto a few nights ago for dinner, and I was laying in bed the other night unable to sleep wondering what to do with the leftovers (I think about food entirely too much). In popped the following recipe. For Mother's Day this year I made a salmon cake benedict that may have been the best breakfast known to man -- this is a close second.

Heather and I opted for a chill evening at home on Saturday, and I am so glad we did. I was able to take the love birds out for a great walk and as you can see, they didn't have a bit of fun.

Smiling happy Benny.

Super Berkley.

I missed these Idaho skies.

These tend to be a bitch to peel.

I nearly sliced off my hand. BE CAREFUL!

You can't make leftovers look sexy.

Sweet potato hash wasn't half bad.

Eggs benedict, risotto-style

leftover risotto (butternut squash recipe to follow)

2 tbs sour cream

1 cup breadcrumbs, preferably panko

1 package hollandaise sauce (I reserve ever right to use packaged hollandaise!)

poached eggs

paprika for garnish

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Spray a cookie sheet with pam. Stir sour cream into leftover risotto. This brightens up the rice and enable the breadcrumbs to stick. With an ice cream scoop or 1/4 cup measuring cup, scoop out the risotto and form into patties. Dredge in the breadcrumbs and place on the cookie sheet. Bake 20-30 minutes or until golden; flip halfway through to crisp both sides.

Meanwhile, cook hollandaise according to package. Resist the urge to eat with a spoon. Prepare eggs. (I am no help with poaching. By the grace of God I managed to get three intact eggs).

Place two risotto cakes with with an egg(s) on top and spoon over the hollandaise sauce. Sprinkle some paprika for additional flare.

Butternut squash risotto

adapted from Art Smith's Back to the Table

1 butternut squash, peeled, seeded and cubed

2 shallots chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

2 cups arborio rice

6 cups chicken stock

1 cup dry white wine

2 tbs unsalted butter

1/2 cup parmesan cheese, more for garnish

2 tbs fresh sage, chopped (I used chives to mix it up this time, but the sage is lovely)

2 tbs olive oil

s/p

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Spread the squash on a baking dish and toss with one tbs olive oil and salt and pepper. Bake until tender, about 35 minutes. Remove from the oven and set aside.

Bring the broth to a boil in a large saucepan and keep warm. Meanwhile, melt butter and the remaining olive oil in a large stockpot. Add the shallots and garlic and saute until translucent, about 2 minutes. Add the rice and cook, stirring often, until it turns opaque. Again, about another 2 minutes. Be careful not to brown. Add the wine and cook until nearly evaporated.

Gradually incorporate the heated broth to the rice, 1 cup at a time. Cook, stirring almost constantly, until the rice absorbs the broth. Stir in another cup of broth and repeat this process until you use all of the broth and the rice is tender, about twenty minutes. If your run out of broth and the rice isn't tender, use hot water. Add the squash and cook until heated through, about 1 minute. Remove from the heat and stir in the cheese and sage. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Serve immediately.

My sisters love this risotto. I promise, if you make it for your family they will love it, too. Be forewarned, they will ask you to make it all the time!

Last Friday as a free-loader

Today, Friday, marks my last day as a free-loading house elf who does nothing but cook, clean (sort of) and go to school. Starting Monday, I'll rejoin the responsible world of those who work. BOO! I've really enjoyed my lazy mornings drinking a pot of coffee and doing my homework at my own volition. Things will start to get a bit more complicated next week, but it's time, and to be honest, I'm ready.

I have secured a pretty kick-ass AmeriCorps position with a local government agency, and in a nutshell I'll be a health educator for old people. Kind of a departure from my future career in secondary education, but the skills translate. I hope anyway.

I really wanted to take advantage of this last Friday of freedom. How did I start my morning out, you ask? Well, dear readers, I snuggled in bed with Berkley drinking coffee and watching Dancing with the Stars on my computer until about 9:30 and then I got up and made the following oh-so-delicious hummus recipe. Next on my list, once I finish this post, is to take Berkley and her boyfriend Benny on a run. We are watching Benny while his Dad is in Moab for the weekend. Benny had a bit of gastrointestinal blowout yesterday, and the poor guy's pride hasn't recovered. Hopefully a jaunt through the sagebrush will help restore his confidence.

Berkley and Benny sitting a tree.

K I S S I N G

Then I get to arm wrestle with financial aid. I am straddling two schools -- my education classes are undergraduate and obviously my master's classes are graduate. Well, this unorthodox behavior of mine is giving both the financial aid and the registrar's offices aneurysms. Apparently, no one has ever, in ISU's history, attempted to gain their teaching credentials while completing a master's degree. I am going where no student has gone before, and it SUCKS!!! I just want to go to school and secure a little financial help while I'm at it. Is that too much to ask? In the eyes of ISU, yes.

That, ladies and gents, will wrap up my day because I'm quite certain after the encounter with financial aid I will be defeated and want want to crawl back in bed with Berkley. Instead of coffee in hand there will be another choice beverage, and it most definitely won't be an upper.

Sorry for the diatribe! On to the hummus!

This is a fantastic, quick and oh sooo yummy homemade hummus. I have tried a couple of unsuccessful hummus recipes that have ended up tasting and looking like play dough. This does not. This hummus is lemony and garlicky and wonderful. I had to restrain myself from licking the food process bowl. You could play with flavors too -- sun-dried tomatoes, roasted peppers, hot chile flakes. Homemade hummus sounds daunting, but it is incredibly simple. Try it at your next soiree -- you'll totally wow your friends!

Only the finest for this house elf.

Usually tahini is in the organic/healthy

section of your grocer. It's a little pricy,

but it will stay good in your fridge

for a muy long time.

Hummus

1 can chickpeas (garbanzo beans), drained and rinsed

1/3 cup tahini, mixed well

2 cloves garlic, minced

1/2 tsp cumin

1.5 tsp salt

pinch cinnamon

1/4 cup freshly squeezed lemon

1 teaspoon lemon zest

1 tablespoon olive oil

Italian parsley for garnish

In a food processor, puree the chickpeas, tahini, garlic, cumin, salt, cinnamon, lemon juice and zest until smooth. Gradually incorporate the olive oil. Add a few drops of water if necessary to make the hummus more creamy. Before service, drizzle with olive oil and chopped parsley.

Because my quads deserved some half and half

Heather and I recently joined a local gym, and we had a complimentary "meet and greet" with a personal trainer. This personal trainer wasn't your average sporty kid decked out in wind pants and high tops. Oh no. We met with RICH. (You're meant to read the name RICH in a low, manly, beer-crushing kind of voice). RICH is a twenty-something body builder whose arms are three times as large as my thighs. I am quite certain RICH could bench-press my Subaru.

So Heather and I discussed our fitness goals with RICH, and he asked us if we have any injuries or had surgeries he should be aware of. I immediately looked at Heather with trepidation because I hate admitting that I had heart surgery. I was totally fine mentioning to this stranger, RICH, that I had knee surgery in college, but as soon as I utter the words heart and surgery in the same sentence people look at me like I have three eyes.

At this point in our little "meet and greet," RICH looked at me like I was the bionic woman whose fitness goals were totally unrealistic. I would rather reveal my body fat to you, internet, than have to repeat that conversation with RICH. Not going to happen!

Nonetheless, RICH did redeem himself with his weight training regime he suggested for us light weights. He walked us around the gym and demonstrated his Herculean strength on the various weight machines. I was not kidding about the Subaru.

We finally got around to RICH's legs workout on Monday. I am writing this Wednesday evening and both of our legs are still sore. The kind of sore where it's difficult to walk up/down stairs. The kind of sore where it's difficult to sit on the toilet. Sore.

We returned home from the gym on Monday and did not feel the slightest bit guilty when we devoured this creamy, comforting pasta dish. This is another recipe that you can totally tweak to suit your fancy -- use what you have on hand, leave out the artichoke hearts, add bacon, use fettucini instead of ravioli, whatever! Also, my veggie friends, this a great one for you.

I may be the bionic woman, but after RICH's weight training regime, I'll be able to bench-press my Subaru.

This is the greatest tomato paste around.

You don't have to waste an entire can

when you only need a tablespoon.

Find it at your local grocer :)

Notice Berkley wondering if these raviolis are for her.

I got these at the DI for $1.33 in total.

I love them.

Pink sauce with ravioli

2 packages ravioli

2 shallots, diced

2 cloves garlic, diced

1/2 cup sun-dried tomatoes (not in oil), sliced

1 can artichoke hearts or bottoms, cubed

3-4 large mushrooms, sliced

1 cup spinach, rough chopped

5-6 basil leaves, chiffonade

1 small can tomato sauce

1 tbs tomato paste

1.5 cups half and half

1/4 cup parmesan cheese, more for garnish

1 tbs olive oil

1 tsp red pepper flakes

s/p

Cook pasta according to the directions. In a large sauce pan, heat oil over medium heat. Saute shallots and garlic until fragrant, about two minutes. Increase the heat to medium high and add mushrooms. Stir to combine and resist the urge to constantly stir. Allow the mushrooms to caramelize. Season with salt, pepper and red pepper flakes.

Once the mushrooms have gained some color, reduce the heat and pour in the tomato sauce. Add the sun-dried tomatoes and artichoke hearts, as well as the tomato paste. Stir well to combine. Pour in the half and half and allow to simmer until sauce begins to thicken, about 3-4 minutes. Add the spinach, basil and parmesan cheese. Season with salt and pepper. Serve over the pasta.

A staple

I hope everyone survived the holiday weekend. Tami from Running with Tweezers coined the perfect phrase, and I hope she doesn't mind but I am totally going to steal it: Swalloween. This phrase summed up our festivities, and I won't share many of the details because I want you, friends, to continue reading this site.

In brief, Warren Jeffs made a quick prison-break for the weekend to help us horrify our friends and the local children. Fun and debauchery was had by all. Thanks, Warren.

The following recipe is a dish I could not live without. Seriously, I might die if I don't eat it in some form several times a month. As Stuart Mackenzie says in So I Married an Ax Murderer, it has "an addictive chemical that makes ya crave it fornightly, smartass!" This mixture, combination, amalgamation of turkey, crunchy vegetables and salty goodness is, well, worthy of the above quotation.

Here's the problem though. I have never written down my recipe. My mom has asked for this recipe at least thirty-seven times, and I've always said add a couple tablespoons of this and a couple tablespoons of that. As I've mentioned before, I am a chronic non-measurer. It also depends on what I have in the fridge. This time I didn't have any sesame oil so I had to do without -- did the lettuce wraps still make my toes curl with ecstasy? Yes. Internet friends, I love this dish. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

I suppose my point is: BE FLEXIBLE. Try using ground pork, use cabbage instead of lettuce, serve over rice or rice noodles, adjust the seasonings to suit your family's taste. I admire Asian cuisine and wish I was more well-versed in it's many nuances. By no means am I expert. In fact, I probably butchered a classic recipe, but if butchering tastes this good, I'm going with it.

I hope you aren't disappointed by the hype of my toe-curling description. But I could die happy after a meal of these lettuce wraps that's how good they are.

Feel free to adjust these characters. Like I said,

they were on hand.

Water chestnuts are FUNDAMENTAL.

Lettuce Wraps

1 package ground turkey

2 carrots, diced

2 celery stalks, diced

5 green onions, diced

1 can water chestnuts, diced

2 shallots, diced

1 - 1 inch piece ginger, minced

3 garlic cloves, minced

1 tbs canola oil - NOT olive oil

1/2 tsp sesame oil

2 tbs hoisin sauce

2 tbs oyster sauce

3 tbs soy sauce

1 tsp fish sauce

1 tsp brown sugar

1 tbs sriracha - disregard if you don't like spice

1 head crunchy lettuce or cabbage

In a large pan or wok heat oil over medium high heat. Add ginger and garlic. Be careful not to burn, as it will ruin your dish. Stir-fry until fragrant. Add the carrots, celery and shallots. Cook for about 5-8 minutes or until tender. Meanwhile, mix all of the sauces together in a bowl including the sugar. Stir well.

Add the turkey. Stir completely to incorporate all the vegetables. Add the water chestnuts and green onions. Pour in the sauces. Continue stirring so all the flavors combine. Cook until the turkey is cooked through. Serve in lettuce/cabbage cups.